Do you ever feel like you are not relevant enough? Professional enough? Worthy enough? As I turned the page on my thirties and jumped with full abandon into my forties, I have wavered between feeling completely myself and unworthy of this next phase.
My thirties were hard, but it was okay not to be okay because I had no expectations and was just trying to make it through the day. Being a busy working mom, sometimes I could hardly pay bills and meal plan let alone arrive on time for anything (including work). Trying to climb the career ladder while being very conscious that my capacity to be 100% good at anything was at the mercy of my full schedule and overpiled to-do list. In my thirties, I wasn't focused on pursuing anything specific since I was focused on the day-to-day and enjoying being in the present with my growing family. I accepted this phase of life, understanding that it would become easier and that I could pursue my dreams later.
Having entered my forties, I am eager to thrive. I aspire to show up even when it is hard, improve myself daily, and fully engage in pursuing my dreams. Yet, amidst these aspirations, I'm also balancing the responsibility of showing up as the best—or at least a respectable—version of myself for my friends, my loved ones, and most significantly, my family, who depend on me.
Am I worthy enough to pursue my dreams and accomplish the things I want right now? I’m not sure.
So, TSGC began with the desire to create space for every woman to feel empowered and make positive contributions in their communities, while also finding the support they require there. We aimed to cultivate a sense of camaraderie among female business leaders and women who strive to make a difference and improve themselves. Basically, we want to show women how to kick ass and create a culture of empowerment where we can all be our authentic selves and be successful at whatever the hell we want.
TSGC is something I dreamt of for years and am so happy to be a part of now, but wow is it fucking hard. It's hard to allow yourself to dream without doubts creeping in and wondering if I am worthy enough. Am I, in all my chaos, over-commitment, and constantly racing thoughts, enough to deserve all of this or even just the potential of it all? Is there room for a working mom with kids in this thriving businesswoman's world? At what point are my dreams and my success worthy of more? More me means less of me for those who depend on me. Can we have it all?
Is it possible for me to wholeheartedly commit to anything? I'm aware that I yearn to belong to a community of women who contribute what they can, recognizing that success is attainable while also acknowledging that there will be moments when we cannot give our all. Just as raising a family requires the support of a village, so too does building a business and realizing our dreams.
For me, finding the right timing is a challenge, and I've had to be truthful with myself. Despite my heartfelt desire, I can't fully commit physically. Balancing a full-time job (necessary for paying the bills), active volunteering, and caring for my two young children (not to mention my husband and six cats who also rely on me) leaves little room for complete dedication. It's tough to admit that certain circumstances, which are beyond my control for now, will eventually change. Yet again, I find myself having to set aside my aspirations as a woman and as a human being. My dreams once more take a backseat because I simply can't give enough of myself at this moment.
What if we could support not only our dreams but each other's too? What if we can't accomplish everything individually, but collectively, we can achieve it all? Is it possible to be both a dedicated mother, excel in our careers, and fulfill our dreams too, with just a bit of assistance along the way? What if, most of the time, we are enough? Showing up, even in the face of adversity, surely holds value. And whoever determined that the journey towards our dreams must be flawless? Are not our flaws what make women so powerful? What makes us so damn awesome!?
So when will I be worthy enough? When will working moms be able to find a place in a male-dominated world where helping with kids' school activities or attending soccer practices and games is valued just as much as signing another contract or working late?
Let’s flip the switch and remind each other that we are all worthy of success and success looks different for everyone, which is OK. We don’t have to have it all neatly together. We can grab our friends' hands and pull each other along when we can’t do it all alone. We are women and worthy even when we feel like we are not. So girls, ladies, kick-ass women, let’s lift our heads high and give ourselves permission to be empowered to stop putting our dreams off and start living them! Let’s make room for all of our baggage, and let’s say fuck it and forge a new path where women can stop doubting themselves and just be their fucking true authentic selves and not be called “Weak,” “too emotional,” or “too sensitive.” Let’s meet where we are at and figure this out together! Let’s support each other! Let’s do better!
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Shout out to some of my village! @musicandbubbles (skyler) my piercer, @davita my hair gal who kills it everytime, @aleslomp and @melissap who know the way to me heart is food and always text me to come eat their delish dishes! @ashrichard who fills my life with all my feline friends, @seanadeitl and @jamieaeicheel who are my secret personal assistants who both make sure I don’t forget anything, @drvansloot who helps me keep on top of my health and is always so supportive and @jessfegs who keeps me sane when it is soccer season! And @lyndsaymontina (who always laughs at my jokes) and @Abs who allow me to be authentically myself and embrace my toque wearing business style. @tattswithcass who introduced me to the enneagram and will be tatting me asap! @jena - my brother chose a good one, my sista for forever now. @saywerbean who is the mini version of me and completed our family. Girl of my own heart!